Tonight's Top Ten: Season 2
by Ran Hakubi
Summary: Well well well. It seems someone has gotten some ideas for lists into their noggin. Tonight's category: Top ten surprises in Dr. Drakken's new book.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** They're baaaaack! Ladies and Gentlemen! From the home office in Owasso, Oklahoma. Announcing the return of the top ten lists! Also, this "season" is going to be rated "T" so I can be a little bit more free with the language, thus making it more like the actual top ten lists like you would see on the actual Late Show with David Letterman.

Review thanks from the last list go to: screaming phoenix, omegarulesall, CajunBear73, Captain IT, storyreader51, kim's 1 fan, Anabri, and acosta perez jose ramiro. And a giant thank you to everyone who read and made the last set of lists so popular. Let's see what happens with this set of lists.

Disclaimer: The Late Show belongs to CBS, while Kim Possible belongs to Disney. Very fine bunch of folks over at those stations, who would never ever think of suing little ol' me because of these lists. Would they?

* * *

Late Show host David Letterman, having been played to his desk by the CBS Orchestra, lead by Paul Shaffer, sat down in his chair and turned it ever so slightly to the show's band.

"Paul, have we got a surprise for our viewers tonight," Dave said.

"Oh, I know we do, Dave! Don't keep the viewers and the audience in suspense!"

Dave turned in his chair to look out over at the crowd before him, as well as to the viewers at home through the camera that was stationed there.

"Folks, as I'm sure you know, back in 2008, we featured a writer, Ran Hakubi, who did Kim Possible related Top Ten lists. Well, I'm glad to say that with everything that went on over at Leno's show, he got disheartened and came crawling back to us."

"So, Ran Hakubi is back, writing lists for us? Are they going to remain Kim Possible lists?" Paul asked.

"They sure are. Hey, Paul. You shop at Smarty-Mart, right?"

"Oh, yeah! They have the best prices! I mean, after all, it's where smart shoppers shop smart!"

"Well, apparently, when he doesn't write for us, Mr. Hakubi also works there part time."

"Really now? Well, they ARE the world's largest private employer..."

"Which actually brings me to this," Dave said and grabbed a blue card off his desk and held it high in the air. "Ladies and Gentlemen, here in my right hand is tonight's top ten list."

A computer animation of the numbers ten through one going up and down the isles of Smarty-Mart was shown on TV screens to all of those who tuned in that night.

"From the home office in Owasso, Oklahoma: Top ten good things about being a Smarty-Mart employee,"

"Ya know," Paul said, slightly interrupting the host, "I hear that employee moral is actually down nation wide for Smarty-Mart employees,"

"That might be, Paul," Dave said, "But that doesn't mean that there aren't good things to be had while working for them. Consider this a primer for those who, instead of getting a college education, wish to work there." Dave then flipped the card over and looked at it. "Again, top ten good things about being a Smarty-Mart employee. Here we go, number ten: All the warm haggis you can eat.

"Number nine: Fun times counting how many teeth customers have and seeing what the lowest number you can get is."

"Number eight: Turning into a bitter old man in the span of three years instead of the normal seventy."

"Number seven: At least it's not working for The Late Show."

"Now wait a minute..." Dave said and continued the list.

"Number six: No longer have to deal with those uppity bastards at Target."

"Number five: Ten percent discount on everything except food, clothes, hygiene products, and other basic necessities."

"Number four: Getting kicked in the ass by corporate, fun times to be had by all!"

"Number three: The wonderful aroma of customers who have yet to discover the shower."

"I'm starting to suspect that these aren't really good things..." Paul said before Dave continued.

"Number two: After cleaning up spills across the store, you're now qualified to become a level 3 bio-hazard clean up tech."

"And the number one good thing about being a Smarty-Mart employee: Plenty of time to come up with top ten lists!"

"There you have it, ladies and Gentlemen, we'll be right back with Ron Pearlman!" Dave said as the show cut away to commercial.

* * *

**A/N:** Yeah, as I'm sure you can tell, I'm a bitter Wal-Mart employee. If you're a fan of Wally World, or like shopping there, please don't take offence to any of the jokes that refer to the customers. I just wanted to kinda vent my frustrations using the voice of a clown.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Okay, confession time people. I came up with this list idea about two hours before I wrote it, so I apologize if it's not up to my usual standard. Whatever that might be. But hey, it's another top ten list, and you guys enjoy those, right? RIGHT?

Review thanks go to: AmericanGecko, Kwebs, Katsumara, screaming phoenix, Captain IT, JGuar1212, CajunBear73, and whitem. A big hearty thank you goes to everyone who done read it.

Disclaimer: I beg Disney and CBS not to sue me because I used their characters and personalities in this manner. I don't have any money!

* * *

Late Show host David Letterman turned in his chair ever so slightly to look over at the leader of the show's band, the CBS Orchestra, Paul Shaffer.

"Boy Paul, big news in the lit world today, wouldn't you say?" Dave asked his friend.

"Actually Dave, I don't really know what you're talking about..." admitted Paul.

"Well folks," Dave said and turned his head to face the crowd, "It's been announced that the world famous Dr. Drakken, aka Drew Lipsky has written a book about his life."

"Dr. Drakken? Well, he has been kinda quiet since he helped save the world from the Lorwardian invasion," Paul pointed out.

"Indeed he has Paul, and it looks like we now know why. I mean, you and I both know how long it can take to write a book," Dave told him.

"True, plus the last book that we at the Late Show wrote was five years in the making," Paul pointed out.

"Yeah, well, with our writers, who can blame us?" Dave asked.

"Oh now Dave, we've got a fine group of writers here! Some of them even do their jobs!" Paul said to Dave in a admonishing tone.

"I'm sure they do, Paul. And speaking of our writers, one of our kids, being who he is, was actually able to get an advanced copy of Dr. Drakken's book."

"Really? Well, I'm sure it was a fascinating read. I hope he can give me a few highlights some time."

"Here's hoping. Anyways, the kid went through and read the book, and while he was reading, he was also sitting at his computer, which the kids have these days, and was reading and making notes. At the same time!"

"The same time?"

"The same time! I tell ya folks, the youth of today, they need to lay off the coffee. It's that damn Starbucks I tells ya!"

"So, why was this guy reading and typing at the same time, Dave?"

"Well, apparently, he was doing it for this," Dave said and then pulled a blue card off his desk and held it high into the air. "Ladies and Gentlemen, here in my right hand is tonight's top ten list. Lets try it."

On a screen set up for the audience, and on the screens of the viewers at home, a computer animation of the numbers ten through one being shown in a library played out.

"From the home office in Owasso, Oklahoma, top ten surprises of Dr. Drakken's new book," Dave said.

"Well, I'm sure that a book written by someone like him is sure to contain a shocker or two," Paul admitted.

"You'd think that. And for those of you who might be looking forward to this book, and don't want any, what is it the kids say these days? Spoilers? Well then you might want to see what's going on at Leno's show."

Dave flipped the card over in his hand to bring himself to the first entry on the list. "Again, top ten surprises in the new Dr. Drakken book. Here we go. Number ten: Once introduced M. C. Honey to his 'Lil' Diablo'."

"Number nine: Once came up with a machine that would turn sliced bread into delicious saltines."

"Well, it's a shame he didn't come through with that one," Dave said. "Those saltines are tasty."

"Number eight: After the invasion, was in talks with PBS for a cooking special called 'Cocoa Moo and You'."

"Number seven: Spent time slutting around Go City."

"Number six: The cover is him in a passionate embrace with DNAmy."

"Number five: He can't believe it's not butter!"

"Well who can?" Dave asked before going forward.

"Number four: Claims that he can see Russia from his Alaska lair."

"Number three: Once thought about introducing his lab boot to Jack Hench's ass."

"Number two: Forget stealing Christmas, the real challenge is in stealing National Dental Health week!"

"And the number one surprise in Dr. Drakken's new book: Fired a henchmen for calling him Steve."

"There ya go, folks. Your top ten list. We'll be right back with John DiMaggio!" Dave said as the show cut away to a commercial.


End file.
